202 Takepart BR

8/8/2019 202 Takepart BR

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TAKE PARTTrack 1

Music, lights... Nothing happens. Suddenly the music stops and actress 1 comes

on stage.

ACTRESS I-(to the public)Hello! Ummm... I am... I am waiting for my fellowactors, you know? I am in the company, the theatre company that has to

perform, well, that was supposed to perform this play. I am the understudy;

yes, the understudy, in case somebody gets hurt or well, then I play their

part. But I think that I will not be able to replace the whole company all of

the actors! ...and I don t see the scenery either, or anything The only one

that is here is me Well, and you, the audience, and I don t know very well

what to do in these cases. They have told me to come out and I have come

out. Wow! There are quite a lot of you... Ah! I know; I will recite a poem

that I learnt when I was a little girl; it s not a great one, but

It s called: The little bird.

Once upon a time there was this little bird, it flew from branch to branch or

this is what I heard.

That s it. Perhaps there is somebody else who wants to recite some other

poem

(the other actors enter through the stalls, carrying the costumes, props, and part

of the scenery)

ACTORS- We re here. Make way for us, make way for us. Come on, we re still

on time

ACTOR I- And you? What are you doing up there?

ACTRESS I- Well, you hadn't arrived, so they told me to come out.


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ACTOR II- We re sorry for the delay, but we had some trouble with the van...

ACTOR I- Believe me: it s the first time that something like this has happened to

us...

ACTOR II- But don t worry, we will be ready in a minute.

ACTRESS II- Yes, sure ready! We left half of the set on the road.

ACTOR I- And the costumes... You know, the clothes.

ACTOR II- All right, let s calm down!

ACTRESS I- I recited a poem.

ACTRESS II- And they are still here? These people are very nice!

ACTOR II- Anyway, we have to perform the play, don t we?

ACTOR I- Of course, (addressing the audience:) and I hope you will help us...

because apart from the scenery and the costumes, we also left half of the

actors on the road.

ACTRESS II- I am sure that some of you would like to be actors or actresses...

ACTOR II- Well, today you will have your golden opportunity.

ACTRESS I-(to actress II:) And me? What do I have to do? You told me I was

the understudy.

ACTOR II- You... You are not the understudy anymore.

ACTRESS II- Welcome to the company, dear! Come on, start setting this up...

Track 2

ACTOR II- And while we finish setting up the scenery, I m going to get our first

guest stars... let s see... (Addressing the audience again he gets three or


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four volunteers and gives them some of the props. The two actors rehearse

with them what they need to do) Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to

introduce the first story we are going to perform: This is the beginning of all

time, Paradise, The Garden of Eden. Now that we are ready we will tell you

a tale that Mark Twain wrote about life in a garden... with Adam and Eve.

ACTRESS I- And what s my part in this tale?

ACTOR II- You will play the most important role.ACTRESS I- Eve?

ACTOR II- No, sweetheart; you will be the apple tree! Come on, stand up here...

Now! (To the technician:) Music! Here is Adam (the boy comes in, in a

happy mood) and here is Eve (the girl enters from the opposite side and

greets the boy; shyly, he hides from her)

Monday.

ADAM- Why is she staring at me? I m not talking to her! What a strange animal!

Why doesn t she go with the other animals? If she stays here many days Iwill have to move away from here, to migrate...

EVE- Oh! That must be a man! And this is a garden! The Garden of Eden!

ADAM- (To the audience:) Oh, yes! My Goodness! As soon as this strange

creature arrives she starts giving names to everything! She says: this looks

like... and that s it! She names it! For example... this one: (brings one of the

student-actors to the front of the stage)She points to him and then she says:

EVE- Look! It looks like an ostrich! OK, you will be an ostrich!

ADAM- And that s it! The poor fellow will keep this name forever! Or this one

(takes another student-actor), she calls this one...


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EVE- Banana tree! Because it s a tree that bears bananas. This is a... (grabs

another student-actor) and this is a tree that bears fruit cocktail.

ADAM- Fruit cocktail?

EVE- Fruit cocktail! Fruit salad

ADAM- I will migrate... (fed up with Eve)

EVE- I think I surprised him with my intelligence...

ACTRESS PERFORMING TREE- Tuesday.

ADAM- She s told me her name is Eve, and that she is a woman... and to tell the

truth, I m not interested in either.

ACTRESS PERFORMING TREE- Wednesday.

ADAM- Ha ha! ...She s told me she was made from one of my ribs! Ha ha! ...but I

can feel ALL of my ribs when I touch them... Ha ha! She talks and talks all

day long about things I don t care about... Blah blah blah... She won t shutup! Oh! ...I will migrate!

ACTRESS PERFORMING TREE- Thursday!

EVE- You can tell they made this garden at full speed, in a hurry... I don t think

they spent more than six days making it... Well, you tell me: what is an

ostrich doing next to a fruit cocktail tree...! Or why are there so many stars

on one side of the sky and so few stars on the other... My opinion? They

could have tried harder

ADAM- She s always complaining and she won t shut up!

ACTRESS PERFORMING TREE- Friday


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ADAM- Peace, at last! She has become friends with the snake. Oh! The snake

talks! Oh, yes man, it s a lovely, lovely day...

As Eve and snake go away.

ACTRESS PERFORMING TREE- Saturday

ADAM-How on earth... I can t believe it I miss her! I have nothing against you

(to the audience) but... I feel... lonely.

ACTRESS PERFORMING TREE- Sunday.

ADAM- (Eve comes on stage again and Adam says to her:) Don t you think it s a

beautiful day?

EVE- Oh!

ADAM- Would you like a banana? Or a ... or a... do you feel like going for a ride

on the ostrich? Would you like an apple?

EVE- Yes.

ADAM- Here you are (Picks it up from the ground). Ugh, not this one, this one is

rotten... here, this one.

EVE- Great!

Eve- How good... give me another apple.

Adam- Another one? But... you still have one in your hands!

Eve- I want an apple that hasn't fallen on the ground.

Adam- But the fruit from the tree is forbidden!

Eve- I don't mind! I want an apple... want an apple...

Adam- Oh, how obstinate you are!

Eve- If you don't dare... I will wait for another braver man to appear...


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Adam- Stop! This man is me! (Grabs the apple) Here you are... your apple is it

nice?

Eve- Delicious! Here, try it.

Lord- (entering) What's up? But what's this? An apple banquet?

EVA- (To herself) Oh, no... no!

Adam- No, Lord...

Eve- We've only taken one apple...

Adam- And it was on the ground...

Lord- Don t tell lies. But who do you think I am?? This couple deserves a good

lesson. (To the students onstage:) You and you grab the boy, you and you

the girl...

Adam- It's true, it's true, Lord, I have taken an apple from the tree...

Lord- Ah!

Eve- Yes, but he did it because I asked him to. I asked him to do it.

Lord- Asked him to? Asked him to? A REAL MAN is a man who is able to

'resist'. Isn't he, girl?

Eve- Yes, probably.

Adam- What?

Eve- You're a coward! I just wanted to test you...

Lord (to Eve)- And now tell me, don't you feel a bit guilty too?

Eve- Who? Me? Why?


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Lord- Yes, you. You asked him to pick the apple...

Eve- I wanted to test him, as you said...

Adam- You witch! Snake! Now you'll see...

Lord- That's enough. We need to stop now.

Adam- Why?

Lord-We've got to stop because now we had another actor who played the role of

JUSTICE, but he was left behind on the highwat, so so... (to the audience)

you'll play the role of JUSTICE. Let's see... Technician! A bit of light on the

audience please. Thank you. Let's see if you think the culprit is the boy

raise your hand (asks the student-actors to count the hands, and then asks

them:) How many? (While Adam and Eve make comments and thumbs-

down signs towards the ones who vote for the other one). Very well, you

(Audience) have decided. And you can go back to your seats, thank you very

much. A round of applause for (asks them to bow)

Tree- Hey...hey...

Lord- What do you want?

Tree- Do I still have to play the role of a tree?

Lord-Yes, dear, you can leave.

(To everyone:) In spite of the results of the voting, there s one thing that s

sure: since the time of Adam and Eve the fight between men and women,

boys and girls, male and female has it finished? (asking the audience)

(All the actors look at each other and at the audience, repeating the question)

Everyone- No.

(the Lord leaves with a grandiloquent style)


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Track 3

ACTOR- And now, before we start the following story, we'd like to tell you some

curious facts about some important historic figures. But let's see how your history

knowledge is Who discovered America? (Or 'found' America, looking for

India?)

AUDIENCE: Christopher Columbus!

ACTOR- Good! Did you know... they say that Christopher Columbus sufferedfrome seasickness? (Leaves)

ACTRESS I- ...And once I heard that Shakespeare didn t like theatre; but I think

he would have liked this tale, The sneeze although The sneeze takes

place in a theatre. (is going to leave, looks back, sees the scenery) The

scenery! The theatre! Fred! Fred!

ACTOR-(from inside:) Kill some time! I m changing clothes!

ACTRESS I- Fred!

ACTOR-(from inside:) I can t right now, improvise

ACTRESS I- Fred! (enters the stage reciting something...) Stop! Stop, stop!Fred, the scenery! The theatre!

ACTOR- The theatre! (Music, the actress leaves. The actor finally manages to

get some seats and light over the stall) The theatre. (leaves)

DELEGATE- One very refined evening, a very refined Lord went to the theatre.

(steps down to the stall)

DELEGATE'S WIFE- And his wife went with him. She was a charming woman.

DELEGATE- They had very good seats. (they sit on seats from the stall)

DELEGATE'S WIFE- And they were enjoying a charming evening.

DELEGATE- And just behind the Lord and his wife...


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DELEGATE'S WIFE- A charming woman...

DELEGATE- came to sit this man, Algernon... (enters the stall area holding

his ticket in his hand, looking for his seat)

DELEGATE'S WIFE- An insignificant government clerk.

DELEGATE- Who had also come to the theatre with his wife.

ALGERNON- Mary! Those are our seats (Mary enters. They sit just behind theDELEGATE and wife)

DELEGATE'S WIFE- She wasn t a very charming woman.

MARY- Alright, I m coming...

DELEGATE'S WIFE- The play was about to start. (the stall is now dark, but

light on the actors) It was very funny and they were laughing (they laugh)

When suddenly (Algernon sneezes on the DELEGATE's back)

ALGERNON- Oh, my God! I m so sorry

DELEGATE- Don t worry... it s all right.

ALGERNON- That s very kind of you, sir... but it was very rude of me...

DELEGATE- It s all right, it doesn t matter.

ALGERNON- But the back of your neck... it s all... please, let me dry it...

DELEGATE- Would you please leave me alone?

ALGERNON- I swear it was an accident.

DELEGATE'S WIFE- Shhh!

ALGERNON- Excuse me madam, but I was telling your husband it was an

accident, probably a little bit of dust got into my nose...

DELEGATE- But will you let us watch the play?


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ALGERNON- Of course I will, Your Excellency... yes I will indeed, eminence,

have fun... enjoy yourselves.

DELEGATE- Be quiet!

DELEGATE'S WIFE- But that incident got stuck in the insignificant clerk s

head; he relived that disgusting experience time and time again. (Algernon

sneezes again and again like in a dream, in slow motion)

MARY- Algy dear, what s the matter with you? Are you feeling OK?

ALGERNON- I have sneezed on the DELEGATE. It s terrible! He is the boss of

my boss s boss... I don t know how it happened. I was enjoying the comedy

when my nose started itching... just like now and... before I could take my

handkerchief out... (Sneezes again) Oh! No I don t have a cold... lordship,

I don t have any disease. Here s my handkerchief, sir, I m a stupid fool.

DELEGATE- Will you stop? Don t make a scene.

ALGERNON- I couldn t help it... It was stronger than me... I m sorry, eminence, I

apologize to you a thousand times.

MARY- Please forgive him, your excellence... Algernon is a good man and a good

husband.

DELEGATE- Will you ever leave me alone?

ALGERNON- But I need your forgiveness...

DELEGATE- All right, I forgive you... but sit down once and for all...

ALGERNON- Thank you, your lordship, and thank you so much indeed.

MARY- I also thank you very much...

DELEGATE- That s enough! ...Either you shut up or you will be arrested!


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DELEGATE'S WIFE- Algernon spent the rest of the night holding his nose.

Until the performance finished. (Delegate and wife get up and step up to the

stage)

DELEGATE- It was a very funny play.

DELEGATE'S WIFE- It s a pity we missed half of the comedy.

MARY- I think they are talking about us.

DELEGATE'S WIFE- Some people should not be allowed in theatres.

MARY- Now I m sure they re talking about us.

DELEGATE'S WIFE- And you shouldn t allow anyone to sneeze on the back of

your neck, it s not appropriate at all for a man of your standing. Come on,

you re in a daze, let s go home (they leave... Algernon and Mary arrive

home and get into bed)

Track 4

DELEGATE'S WIFE- But that night the poor clerk had terrible nightmares...

DELEGATE- Cut off his nose! Off with this disgusting trunk!

ALGERNON- No! Not my nose!!

DELEGATE'S WIFE- Shoot him dead, so he doesn t get germs on anyone.

ALGERNON- Mercy, madam... have mercy on me.

DELEGATE- No more nose!

DELEGATE'S WIFE- No more germs!

DELEGATE- Nose!

DELEGATE'S WIFE- Germs!

ALGERNON- No... stop...stop it!


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MARY- Algernon, wake up... what s the matter?

ALGERNON- First thing tomorrow morning I m going to see the DELEGATE...

before he takes his scissors Mary, I don t want him to cut my nose off, I

need my nose; poor thing, a little bit of dust got into it but it wasn t its fault.

MARY- And, sure enough, first thing in the morning Algernon appeared at the

DELEGATE s office.

Track 5

DELEGATE- Next, please!

ALGERNON- Excuse me, sir sir don t cut my nose off. Have mercy on my

nose!

DELEGATE- Who are you ? And what are you saying about your nose?

ALGERNON- Don t you recognize me, Your Honour?

DELEGATE- Do you know how many people I see every day?

ALGERNON- Does this nose mean anything to you?

DELEGATE- Your nose? Your nose means nothing to me.

ALGERNON- You see! Don t you recognize me? I m the sneezer at the theatre!

DELEGATE- You? What do you want from me?

ALGERNON- I want your pardon and your forgiveness!

DELEGATE- But I already forgave you yesterday... Why have you come to

bother me with that deplorable incident that I had already forgotten?

ALGERNON- Mary! He had forgotten it!

MARY- He had forgotten it! How wonderful! Let s go back home, Algy...


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DELEGATE'S WIFE- But... as soon as he got home he started thinking about it

again.

ALGERNON-(Turns towards the audience. Explains directly to the stall:) I

know that you don t care about it, that it doesn t matter to you; but I need to

explain what s going on in my mind while I try to sleep... It s this voice, my

conscience, it s getting me obsessed. This thing about the DELEGATE is

turning into a drama. And I can t get it out of my head... My brain says:

ALL THE AUDIENCE- You ve got a problem!

ALGERNON- I ve got a problem; is it as big as Europe?

ALL THE AUDIENCE- It s bigger!

ALGERNON- It s so unfair.

ALL THE AUDIENCE- It s very unfair.

ALGERNON- It s too much, all this for just one sneeze.

ALL THE AUDIENCE- It s obvious you ve got a problem.

ALGERNON- And I lower myself to apologize to the DELEGATE and he thanks

me... how?

ALL THE AUDIENCE- Pulling your leg?

ALGERNON- Pulling my leg?

ALL THE AUDIENCE- I think so. He is laughing at you. Who would have

imagined?

ALGERNON- Don t you think it s unfair?

ALL THE AUDIENCE- It s very unfair!

Delegate s office, again.

DELEGATE- Next, please!


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ALGERNON- I will die of a heart attack.

MARY- He will win the lottery and we will live happily forever and ever...

DELEGATE'S WIFE- It s your turn to decide the end. (Everyone apart from

Algernon leaves)

ALGERNON- Well, there are four possible endings (funny improvisation with

the audience)

Actors change their roles and prepare to perform a new story.

Track 6

ACTOR- SEDUCER Our next story is completely different. It is called A

seducer. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is my story. And I hope that those

of you who are not very good at the art of seducing will pay attention to

everything I m going to explain, and take notes if necessary

ACTRESS I- Wait!

SEDUCER- What is it now?

ACTRESS I I don t have a husband.

SEDUCER-Well! Our understudy doesn t have a husband. Does anyone want to

be her husband? Do you know what? Go down there and choose the one you

like the most.

ACTRESS I- Marion, help me choose a husband.

ACTRESS II- I m coming. (they both look for a boy and lead him to the stage)

SEDUCER- All right, let s forget the theory and let s focus on a practical lesson;

my specialty: married women; they are easier and less involved. (the two

wives enter with their husbands)

MARIA- Well, well, look who s here! George Atkinson, it s great to see you!


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SEDUCER- Oh my friends; what a coincidence. (to the audience) Notice I don t

look at or talk to either of the two wives.

HUSBAND- Have you met our wives? Cecily, my wife.

WIFE II- And I am Gwendolyn.

HUSBAND- But I don t think that we are doing the right thing introducing them to

you... we already know about your talent for seduction. You are still a

confirmed bachelor...

SEDUCER- I m pleased to meet you, ladies.

HUSBAND- We were having a walk; would you like to join us?

SEDUCER- I m afraid I can t... A new love affair. I can t move from this place

until she is out of my sight...

HUSBAND- You are unbelievable! Is she beautiful?

SEDUCER- Beautiful is not enough, she s marvellous

HUSBAND- And what s the problem?

SEDUCER- Her husband. And it looks like she is deeply in love with him. I mafraid I have no chance.

HUSBAND- I wouldn t like to be in this husband s shoes. I m sure you will get

what you want. Well, we ll leave you here, with your next victim. (the

couples leave)

Track 7

SEDUCER-What do you think? As you have seen I haven t talked to or looked at

either of the two wives. On the other hand they know that I am a confirmed

single man and that I am in love, unlike their husbands, so... so... Look at

them! And the most important thing: they know that I m a dangerous man

for women. It is perfectly natural that the ladies don t like me at all by now.


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WIFE I- This friend of yours is a complete swain.

WIFE II- I find him ridiculous.

SEDUCER- Poor little ladies. They can t imagine that they are the focus of my

interest. Lesson two: I have to make sure that they receive my messages

through their husbands. Now I have to meet them as if by chance.

HUSBAND- George, dear friend! What s the matter with you? Isn t your affair

going well?

SEDUCER- I m hopeless... I don t eat, I don t sleep, my reputation hasn t done

me any good. You can t imagine how I envy men like you!

HUSBAND- Like me?

SEDUCER- Your marriage, your wife... she s so attractive, if you don t mind me

telling you.

HUSBAND- Is she? I think she is rather... normal.

SEDUCER- We never see what we have. I would love it if a woman looked at me

like your wife looks at you...

HUSBAND- My wife? How does she look at me?

SEDUCER- With a look that makes one shake from his head to his toes.

HUSBAND- Shaking? Aren t you exaggerating a little?

SEDUCER- Maybe it s just tingling... (to the boy) Don t you feel tingling when

she looks at you? (*boy answers) She is the ideal woman. Listen to a single

man like me... and now I must leave. (to the audience:) and now you may

wonder... my assistant, that is, the husband, will he do the job for me? He

won t be able to resist telling his wife about our meeting.

HUSBAND- Oh, by the way, I saw George today.

BOY-(they make him repeat) Oh, by the way, I saw George today.


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WIVES- Who?

HUSBAND- George, George Atkinson , that friend of mine, that attractive single

friend of mine, do you remember?

WIFE I- Oh, you mean that horrible being.

HUSBAND- If only you knew what he said about you.

WIFE II- I don t care at all.

HUSBAND- He likes your look.

WIFE I- Oh, please...I ve never looked at him.

HUSBAND- He said it made his body tingle and that you are the ideal woman.

And now, good night...

WIFE I- What do you mean good night? ...What else did that that

HUSBAND- Yes, dear?

WIFE I- That horrible man! What else did he say?

HUSBAND- George?

WIFE II- Yes, George, George, who were we talking about?

HUSBAND- Well... I don t know... that he envies me, that he would love it if a

woman looked at him like you look at me... and now...

HUSBANDS- Good night, darling.

SEDUCER- What do you think? It never fails. I ve managed to make these

women s hearts flutter every time... and it s all thanks to the husbands. But

let s go on. Lesson three... A courageous act: a meeting with the husband!

Track 8


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BOY- Hello, George.

HUSBAND- George, what s up?

SEDUCER- All right... I met a painter yesterday, he was looking for a model, and

I gave him your wife s name.

HUSBAND- My wife?

SEDUCER- I think she is the perfect woman. Why don t you talk to her?

HUSBAND- Good idea! I will. () What do you think?

WIFE I- Nonsense!

WIFE II- Are you sure you didn t misunderstand him?

HUSBAND- He said it would be a shame to miss this opportunity...

WIFE II- And what else did he say?

HUSBAND- That... that you are the perfect model... Actually, I think he said that

more than once.

WIFE II- How many times did he say it?

HUSBAND- I don t know, I don t remember...

WIFE I- It is not very important...

WIFE II- But I want you to remember these things from now on.

WIFE I- Don t forget it!

WIVES- Good night, darling!

SEDUCER- Did you notice that? You can see them waiting for my words, passed

on by their husbands. This treatment must be applied for two or three weeks.

After that, their resistance will weaken, and weaken... and weaken!


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HUSBAND- Poor guy, he has really fallen in love.

WIFE I- And did he mention this woman s name?

HUSBAND- He will never say her name, he s a very discreet man... On the other

hand he talks about you all day long. Poor George, I feel sorry for him.

WIFE I- Of course, he must feel so lonely...

WIFE II- Have you told him to come to dinner tomorrow?

HUSBAND- He can t.

WIFE I- And the day after tomorrow...?

HUSBAND- He can t make it, either.

WIFE II- How about next week... or next month... or doesn t he eat at all?

HUSBAND- He says he is in love and so he doesn t think about such simple things

as eating. And he thinks you should become an actress.

WIFE II- An actress, me?

HUSBAND- Well, he said... (takes out a few bits of paper from the pockets and

gives one to the boy) just a second, I don t want to quote him badly. He said:

BOY- With her beauty and her intelligence...

HUSBAND- with the sensitivity she shows...

BOY- it s a shame she is a housewife.

WIFE I- Oh dear, did he say that?

HUSBAND- And he also said:

BOY- If I wasn t so in love, I would take her away from you.

WIFE I- And what did you say to him?


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WIFE II- It s very important for me to know.

HUSBAND- What did I say? I don t know... do it... take her away from me...

WIFE- That is all I needed to know...


SEDUCER- And now, the final touch. They think I m much better than their

husbands; and him? He has no idea of what he has done for me...

WIFE I- No, no, no... I don t want to hear anymore!

HUSBAND- He s completely hopeless.

WIFE I- Hopeless?

WIFE II- Why? What s wrong with him?

HUSBAND- He says nobody understands him.

WIVES- But, doesn t he know that I... that we understand him?

WIFE II- Don t you tell him we talk about him every day?

WIFE I- Doesn t he know I want him... we want him to be happy?

HUSBAND- I have tried to make him understand, but he s very depressed. He

says he goes for long walks every day, long walks where we met him.

WIVES- At what time?

BOY- (...)

WIVES- At...(...)



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Track 9

SEDUCER- And now, I only have to wait. If she doesn t come tonight, she will

come tomorrow or the day after tomorrow; one of them will fall into my

arms... and I haven t done anything extraordinary. But I would never have

made it alone, no; everything was thanks to the husband. (they make the

boy come out and bow, and ask him to go down to the stall and sit down

again)

The performance of this story ends.

WIFE II- I have never liked this story...

WIFE I- No, I think it makes us look ...stupid.

SEDUCER- Well, you tell me how it makes the husbands look!

WIFE II- I see, I have thought of a different ending!

SEDUCER- What?

WIFE II- Look, let s go back to where we finished... George (our seducer) is in

the park, waiting... and then Cecily appears.

WIFE I- George, my love.

SEDUCER- Cecily! You are the woman I was waiting for...

WIFE II- But then Gwendolyn turns up... Oh! George! (the wives beat up the

seducer)

HUSBAND- Our seducer s shady dealings have come to light.

SEDUCER- Some time later, he got married to the ugliest woman he found...

HUSBAND- Anyway, he never let anyone talk about his wife (the men leave).

ACTRESS II- I think the story is much better now.


23/30

ACTRESS I- Isn t it? (Whilst they explain to the audience, they set up the

next scene) And now, the last story.We won t need your help for our next

story.

ACTRESS II- But we thank you for your spontaneous help.

Track 10

ACTRESS I- This story, called An engagement , talks about a past time that has

gone out of fashion...

ACTRESS II- Well, believe it or not, some fashions come back.

ACTRESS I- The story is about the old times, when the boy had to go to the

home of the parents of the girl he loved to ask for her hand in marriage.

ACTRESS II- The boy dressed up and went to talk to her father...

ACTRESS I- It must have been so romantic! I wish a boy would do that for me!

ACTRESS II- So this is what our fianc to be was about to do: here he is

knocking on Mr. Stephan s door. (Ivan knocks on the door, Stephan

shouts)

STEPHAN- Come in, it s open! (Ivan enters) Good Lord, Ivan! It s great to see

you! How are you?

IVAN- I m fine, thank you. And you?

STEPHAN- Absolutely fine! But have a seat... Look at yourself! You are wearing

a tailcoat! Are you on your way somewhere?

IVAN- No, no, I m not. I ve come to see you...

STEPHAN- And was a tailcoat necessary?

IVAN- Well...the thing is that... I have come to ask you for something. Only you

can help me...


24/30

STEPHAN- Come on, speak freely once and for all! What do you want?

IVAN- Yes, I ll tell you at once...I ve come to ask you for your daughter s hand in

marriage.

STEPHAN- What? Say that again because I think I have misunderstood...

IVAN- I ve come... ask you for... marriage... daughter...

STEPHAN- Oooh! I m very happy! I expected this from you! Because, as youknow, I have always treated you as a son. God bless you and give you love,

happiness, and... what the hell am I doing here like a scarecrow! I m going

to get the girl; just a minute, don t move, stay there. Natalie! Natalie...

(leaves)

IVAN- I m cold, I m shaking. I m as nervous as in an exam... I ve got a whistling

in my ears...oh, dear, calm down, relax, maybe everything will be all right.

Track 11

NATALIE-(enters) Oh! Is it you? Daddy comes to me and said it was a

salesman. Good morning, Ivan.

IVAN- Good morning, Natalie.

NATALIE- But have a seat, please... would you like anything to drink? Wow!

Where are you going? You look very smart!

IVAN- You see... I would like you... to listen to me for a moment...this may take

you by surprise and... (*to the side...) I m freezing.

NATALIE- Tell me, tell me.

IVAN- I will tell you in a few words. You already know, dear Natalie, it has been

my honour to know your family since I was a child, a long time ago. My

aunt and her husband left me some land, as you know; my pasture fields,

which border on your land...


25/30

NATALIE- Excuse my interrupting... Did yoy say: My pasture fields ? Do you

think they are yours?

IVAN- Yes, miss, they are mine...

NATALIE- That s a good one! The pasture fields are ours, not yours!

IVAN- I m afraid you are wrong, Natalie. They are mine!

NATALIE- They are ours! And even if you wear a thousand tailcoats, the pasturefields are ours!

IVAN- I have never taken other people s land, young lady, and I won t tolerate

you accusing me of this. The pasture fields are mine!!!!

NATALIE- Ours!

IVAN- Mine!

NATALIE- Ours!

IVAN- Mine... (Stephan enters)

STEPHAN- What s the matter? Why are you shouting?

NATALIE- Daddy, tell this gentleman who the pasture fields belong to. Are they

ours, or his?

STEPHAN- Oh, sweetie, the pasture fields are ours, of course.

IVAN- I will prove they are mine.

STEPHAN- You won t prove anything, young man.

IVAN- Of course I will!

STEPHAN- You will prove very little if you keep yelling!

IVAN- Ah! I see what s going on, now. You think I m an idiot and you are

making fun of me! You are not a neighbour, you are a thief!


26/30

STEPHAN- Ah! So that was it! You have come looking for a cause to go to court.

Your family has always been bad people!

NATALIE- All of it! Your whole family!

IVAN- Don t you insult my family!

STEPHAN- Your grandfather drank so much he went crazy and your aunt ran

away with a labourer!

IVAN- And your mother had only one eye!

STEPHAN- Ah!

IVAN- What a sharp pain in my side! Water, water...

NATALIE- Do you want water? Here you are! (empties the jug over his head)

STEPHAN- And your father was a gambler and a glutton.

NATALIE- And your other aunt was a gossip.

IVAN- I can t feel my left leg... oh, my heart... I want to leave. My hat!

STEPHAN- How low, how mean! How shameful!

NATALIE- Here is your hat! (they pull the cap onto his head and dismiss him)

STEPHAN- And don t you ever set foot in this house again!

NATALIE- See you in court!

Track 12

STEPHAN- Can you believe it? This crook had the nerve to come to my home and

ask me for...

NATALIE- Ask you for what?

STEPHAN- Didn t he tell you? He came to ask me for your hand in marriage!


27/30

NATALIE- My hand? And why didn t you tell me?

STEPHAN- That s why he was wearing a tailcoat!

NATALIE- He has asked you for my... to marry me... Ooooh, make him come

back!

STEPHAN- What?

NATALIE- Come on... quickly... make him come back. I m feeling very ill!

STEPHAN- What s the matter with you?

NATALIE- I m dying! Make him come back!

STEPHAN- What a wretch I am! Why don t I shoot or hang myself? Here he is?

Where do you want him?

NATALIE- Here daddy, here...

IVAN- I can t move my leg... I feel sharp pains in my side...

NATALIE- We re sorry Ivan; we acted out of anger. But now we remember that

the pasture fields are yours, aren t they, daddy?

STEPHAN- Yes, daughter, yours, only yours... (leaves)

NATALIE- How are you feeling?

IVAN- Better... I feel my leg again... I feel better.

NATALIE- Oh, dear! ... I don t know where to start...

IVAN- Me either...

NATALIE- Are you going hunting soon?

IVAN- I would love to, but my dog, Ogadai, is injured.

NATALIE- What a shame...


28/30

IVAN- Yes, what a shame, Ogadai; the best dog in the world.

NATALIE- The best dog? I m sorry, but our dog, Okatai, is better than Ogadai.

IVAN- Okatai better than Ogadai? You must be kidding. Okatai better than

Ogadai!

NATALIE- It looks like you are obsessed with contradiction, Ivan! First you think

that the pasture fields are yours and now you think that Ogadai is better than

Okatai...

IVAN- Excuse me, I can t go on... I m having palpitations again and I can t move

my leg...

NATALIE- You are a rat!

IVAN- Shut up, miss!

NATALIE- No, I won t shut up until you say that Ogatai is a hundred times better

than Okadai...

IVAN- Shut up! Shut up! ...I see spots, I m losing consciousness... my heart has

torn in two!

NATALIE- I m not going to shut up! Ogadai! Ogadai!

STEPHAN-(coming in) What s up? Here we go again or what?

NATALIE- Daddy! Speak sincerely: which dog is better? Our Okatai or his

Ogadai?

IVAN- Stephan, say it, from the bottom of your heart, which dog is better?

STEPHAN- Look, Ivan, don t get upset. Your Ogadai has some qualities. Yes!

He is a dog with a pedigree, he has a good nose, strong legs but he has

two main defects: he s old and as fat as a pig!

IVAN- As a pig?


29/30

STEPHAN- Even more, he s hunchbacked!

IVAN- Hunchbacked?

STEPHAN- Yes!

NATALIE- A selfish!

IVAN- Prudish cat!

STEPHAN- Don t you insult my daughter! I m going to kill you with... with the

first thing I find! (leaves)

IVAN- My leg... the spots... I m dying, it s over, my heart is broken. (He lies

down on the ground)

NATALIE- Ivan? Ivan? ... Daddy! Oh, dear, what have we done! We have killed

him! Daddy, Ivan is dead! He s dead!

STEPHAN-(Enters with something in his hand) Where is he? I ll kill him!

NATALIE- He s already dead!

STEPHAN- Dead? No way! What a wretch I am! Why didn t I shoot myself?

Why didn t I hang myself, or cut my throat? Wait... I think he is comingaround...

IVAN- I see many spots... Where am I?

STEPHAN- You are here, you see? At home... You see, here is my daughter, she

agrees to marry you, I bless you, get married once and for all... and leave me

alone (leaves)

IVAN- What? What s happening? This is so nice! Oh! I remember now... my

heart, my leg... the spots... I m happy, Natalie...

NATALIE- I m happy, too!

THE TWO(they leave) It s so beautiful!


30/30

Track 13

ACTRESS I- And they say that they lived many, many years together...and maybe

they were even happy...although they could hear them yelling from the city

quite often...

NATALIE OFF- Mine is the best!

IVAN OFF- No lady! Mine is... (etc.)

ACTOR- They were what they call a well-matched couple...

ACTRESS I- And these are our stories...

ACTOR- And you will have to excuse us again... but we re in a hurry...

ACTRESS II- In a big hurry, or we will be late for our next performance.

ACTOR- And we still have to pick up the van.

ACTRESS I- And the wardrobe... that s the clothes...

ACTRESS II- and the scenery...

ACTOR- and the other actors...

ACTOR- Would you please help us? Look(They'll ask the audience to take the

costumes, props, and scenery to the end of the big hall, where they

entered in the first place)

ACTRESS I- Wait, before leaving, we should take a bow and say goodbye...

ACTOR- Yes it s true (they get up and bow, asking the kids that acted to

come up and bow as well)

ACTOR- Now we re ready, bye!

ACTRESS I- Sharing this hour with you has been a pleasure, don t ever doubt it!

Documents

202 Takepart BR